I hate dating apps. Like, I really do. And after almost 10 years of trying and failing at using them, I hate them now more than ever.
When I first downloaded the OG – my first Tinder profile, I was obsessed. It was crazy to see so many eligible men in one place. And it did’t matter that I was wearing sweatpants and swiping makeup-free on my couch. This led to several first and maybe second dates in my early 20s, and I was having the time of my life getting to know my new city while flirting over free drinks with hot guys.
And, here’s the thing, for awhile I was content. I liked it this way, and when things didn’t work out, it just meant going back to the well and procuring another date the next week.
The difference now? Besides the fact that I am living another decade of my life, the dates are few and far between.
No one dates anymore. Yet, they use dating apps. K.
This is my gripe. And this is why I feel as if my time on dating apps has to come to a screeching halt.
I said I would quit them years ago… like, at least two years ago I said I was done. I said it was that whole insanity thing and I couldn’t keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. And this is a valid reason to quit something. 100%.
For those of you who have not spent a decade in digital dating, you may be asking, if you’re not using dating apps to go on dates, what are you doing on them?
Umm.. well. Allow me to break that down for you:
- Swiping into oblivion.
- Establishing some good rapport and momentum with a select few.
- Getting hot and heavy with maybe one or two and crossing your fingers that your virtual interaction translates into real life.
- The exchanging of phone numbers.
- The beginning of texting. “Heyyyyy. It’s Jane Doe from [insert dating app of choice here].”
- Text flirting until he asks for a photo. Is this a real step, you ask? Yes. Every single time.
- Debate sending a photo.
- Turn self into a selfie photographer and feel like an idiot while doing it.
- Choose best photo and send.
- Hold breathe for comments.
- Repeat above texting steps until it all fizzles out and you never actually meet in person.
- Get annoyed and delete dating app.
- Re-download dating app when bored enough or needy enough to ask the question, “Are there any single guys out there?!”
It’s all so dumb. It’s a waste of time. And it’s nothing like I thought it would be when I was growing up. Even in high school, guys still called to ask you out. Or they walked up to you in the hallway, at the football game, at a party, and they did it…. wait for it…. IN PERSON.
At the end of the day, we wanted to, like, hang out with each other. You want to see a pic? That’s what gets you going? That’s enough? You could have access to the real deal, perfectly coifed and first date ready, but you’re good with a stop and drop selfie? Mmmkay.
This is the society we’ve created for ourselves on these social dating platforms. And I’m here to tell you, as someone who used to go on dates all the time (and enjoy it, I might add) that they are rarely initiated anymore.
And when they are? Oh. What kind of dates are we so graciously asked to be whisked away to? Netflix and chill, baby. Sure, they might throw in dinner. That they’re cooking up at their own house. Which sounds romantic, right? For sure. When he’s calling you baby and you’ve already had a sleepover or two past date five.
Or maybe it’s for drinks. I love drinks, you say. Sounds casual, you say. Well, pay attention to how drinks are initiated. He’ll probably stay in that texting mode for like, 2-3 weeks before saying something like, “Hey, we should get a drink sometime.” Your heart flutters. Yay! He likes me! “Sure. I’d like that,” you say. Then he pauses. Or changes the subject. You wait a few days to see if he’ll initiate the actual drink date. Crickets.
What happens next? Oh. You’re getting antsy? You a go-getter? Want to give him a little nudge?
You do it. “We need to get that drink.” (You do the work for him.)
And then it happens. The moment you’ve been waiting for.
“Yeah. What does your week look like?”
You give him options. (You do the work for him.)
“Have any ideas for places we could get a drink?” OR “Where do you like to drink?” OR “Where should we go?”
So then you feel let down because it’s like you’ve been asked to plan your own surprise party.
And then maybe he picks a little spot he loves. A spot he says has great atmosphere and all the best alcohol. A spot in walking distance from his apartment complex. Super convenient! For him. You are not offered a ride, so find your own.
You go on said date. You vibe. You drink. You laugh. And you fall. For him, for it.
He pays your tab and you hope he walks you to your car and kisses you. Butterflies now present.
But alas, he only walks you to your car so he can get a ride home. Because that was always his plan. To get you tipsy. To take you to bed.
And that’s that. Or some version of that.
So, what’s the point? Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?
Truth? Because it feels like we have no choice anymore. Meeting someone in person is difficult. It’s slow. It’s not a sure thing.
We like choices. We don’t like difficult. We don’t like slow. And we don’t like the unknown.
We like instant gratification and non-commitment. We’re scared of going backwards – leaving our security blanket of virtual interaction.
What if we never meet someone the old fashion way? What if it’s scary out there? What if we have to put in effort?
There are some glaring questions to the alternative. But, I for one, am tired of the hamster wheel. I’m tired of the insanity.
So, here I go. I’m taking the brave leap into the old-school unknown.
Will report back.