What I’m Drinking: A basic ass Starbuck’s Shaken Espresso – do I wish they would bring back the brown sugar one? More than I care to admit. Because who has time to think about that?
Where I’m Drinking: My couch
What I’m Doing: Sunday things – updating calendars, to-do lists, filling out Mother’s Day cards to send out, and watching YouTube videos while hungover.
I felt it in the pit of my stomach earlier this week. Something in my gut was saying, ‘he’s going to cancel.’
This morning I felt my phone vibrate beside me while my eyes were still closed. I knew before I opened them that he was texting me. I knew he was texting me to cancel.
And he did.
“You’re going to hate me,” he said.
I barely even flinched.
“What’s up?” I pulled the trigger.
You know what happens next. And I should have seen it coming, really. We scheduled it two weeks in advance and as we inched closer to the date, I just got this bad feeling about too much time in-between. I didn’t like it, but I also used the time to my advantage.
I shopped for a new outfit, I met with my girlfriends to seek advice and to calm myself down, I primped and prodded myself in all the places so that I could feel like as much of a goddess as humanly possible that night. I worked out and drank my water. I was leaving nothing to chance.
Because the truth is, I was really excited about this date. He seemed so nice, he was witty, and I couldn’t wait to actually meet him in person. We’d had some truly fun interactions, but not too many. He never asked me for a nude photo, and frankly, I thought I had hit the jackpot.
And then he cancelled. And I don’t know if I believe his story. And now we’re in the raincheck limbo that I don’t feel very hopeful about.
I’m not mad. I don’t really have the energy to get mad these days about this kind of stuff. I’m past that, I guess. I cannot tell you the amount of times I have been let down in the dating department over the last couple of years. I’m drained. And I’m disappointed. And sometimes I feel like it’s just not in the cards for me.
I know what you’re thinking – ‘you never even met the guy.’ And that’s true. No real harm, no foul.
But, man, was I looking for some social interaction with an attractive man. And maybe it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but in the completely relatable words of Izzy Stevens, “I shaved my legs for you!”
There was preparation! I prepped mentally, physically, and yes, even spiritually for this date. A date that honestly I have a hard time believing was going to happen at all.
But he’ll never know that. Because guys don’t realize the kind of hoops we jump through to feel our best for events like a first date in a long time. And guys don’t realize how much it means to be asked out on a date by someone we like. And they don’t know the strength it takes to try and be understanding when something comes up.
“I completely understand,” I told him. But, I lied.