I’m going to be super real for a minute. I am not having a quote, unquote, Hot Girl Summer. To be honest, this is the first summer I’m not feeling myself at all, really.
I want to participate, I really do. I think the concept is fabulous, and every lady should be out there feeling herself for the remainder of this glorious season.
But, I am going to sit this one out. I have to.
You see, I’ve gotten it wrong for the last 30-something years of my life. The thought of being hot was something I placed on other people and how they saw me. Guys, mostly. I measured my hotness in how I thought they saw me.
It’s been a rough start to my 30s, basically beginning them single, childless, in the middle of a pandemic. Unhappy with where I am in life and feeling like I can’t move from this spot while we all deal with this crisis.
One of the strange things I’ve been grappling with is where I fit in in this dating world. I’m no longer a fresh-faced 20-something with time. My dating pool feels smaller than ever, and I now spend my nights contemplating questions for myself, like, would I be willing do date someone who has kids?
It’s a dangerous place I put myself in all these years. Because the well has run dry, so to speak. We’re all dating less and spending less time out and about being social. So, where am I to draw my hot inspiration from now? I’m no longer being rated because there’s no longer exposure.
Additionally, I’m not the Hot girl I used to be anyway. Because, I’m not a girl anymore. I’m a woman.
It takes me longer to lose the weight, it’s becoming more difficult to tone up where I want to, and I have these really awesome wrinkles and skin imperfections now.
So, I’m not participating in Hot Girl Summer this year. No, not because I’m taking my ball to go home and pout. Because I don’t believe in myself yet. Because I don’t like my old, dated definition of Hot anymore.
I have so much work to do. I see that now.
Yes, my outward appearance is important to me. And yes, I have weight goals and fitness goals that could keep me busy until forever.
But, more than that, I have work to do on the inside. I need to sit with myself and try to understand why my definition of Hot is so skewed.
So, I gracefully give up my seat. I’m sitting this one out. No competition with other women, and better yet, no competition with old self.
I want to feel Hot on my own. With nobody watching. No relying on others’ definitions of Hot for me.
Standards? Who creates them? Why can’t it be me?
Reporting back in the Fall.